My Beloved

A few years ago, I woke up with tears in my eyes. I was crying in my sleep. Not just tears rolling down my cheeks, but the weeping kind of crying. I lyed there in bed, trying hard to remember my dream, as I've never felt such strong sense of sadness. I felt as if I've lost something really important, but I couldn't remember.

It took me a while before bits and pieces of the dream came back to me :

It was sunny day, and I was spending the day at home lazing around. A man walked up to me and talked to me. He was a familiar man, giving out an aura of peacefulness and calmness. He was my god-father. Talking slowly and caringly, like he always, with a smile on his face.

Then suddenly, something felt weird, a thought came to me. The man in front of me is not alive. He is not a man, more like a spirit. It was then, that I realised, my god-father had passed away. I started to cry, both in my sleep an in reality. Before long, I woke up.

No, I was not visited by the spirit of my god-father. He was well and alive then. He lived a few years more before he died while taking a shower at home. But that sadness was real... I've always knew that he had a special place in my heart, just never knew how special.

He knew me since I was a baby. Much of my childhood memories has something to do with him. When I recall the moments we had together, I couldn't help it but smile. For all the bad things that had ever happened to me, I was still glad that he was in my life.

Every evening he would whistle at the door to let us know that he is home. When I stay over during my holidays, I look forward to that whistle every day. Then I would rush to the door and jump into his arms. He would pick me up and talked to me in his usual calm and happy manner. We would have dinner together and he would carry me by the kitchen window to wait for the ice-cream man to come by.

I still think of him constantly. He has been the most important man in my life. I wish I could have a few more years with him; I wish I could have taken better care of him during his old days; I wish my future children could have a chance to know him; I wish........